Don’t expect anything

I am in a shit mood. I have been in a shit mood. I will continue to be in a shit mood until certain people sort their shit out.

Music is doing it for now.

Chill mix

You may need to sign up for an account with IMEEM but it’s free and it’s pretty amazing.

…and then I fell off the wagon.

Sooo, some shit has been going down recently and I buckled…sorta. I didn’t kill myself, I didn’t try to kill myself I didn’t go on one of my famous walk-a-bouts where no one could find me for hours. I just had a short lived suicidal thought. It lasted as long as it took me to realize insurance companies don’t pay out if you off yourself. I’m nothing if not practical when it comes to money

Went to the beloved shrink and had a nice chat. We didn’t talk about my mother, he pointed it out and laughed. She has a session devoted to talking about her in 4 weeks. I have too many issues when it comes to her, I don’t blame her for me being ill (unless we’re arguing and I blame her genes) we just don’t mesh well. Such is life.

I’ve got a brand new cocktail to try this time round. It’s kinda scary how excited I am about new drug combinations. I guess deep down I hope they are ‘the thing’ that gets me right and I’ll never have to worry about wigging out ever again. I’ve been mildly depressed the past few months with a manic episode thrown in for good measure. The mania wasn’t that bad I just wanted sex like crazy and didn’t get it which just made me plain irritable.

Things came to a head this weekend when my Other Half flaked out on me twice. I find comfort and peace in my routines and when he throws them out of whack it really hurts and messes me up for a few days. I need to make it clear to him that he can’t do this to me. It sounds selfish and it may very well be but if I’m given a heads up on a possible wrench in the works I can handle that and regroup and come up with plan B. I’m not a completely unreasonable bitch. My mother didn’t help things either, I truly detest when other people slather me with their un-happy moods.

While I was contemplating my sanity and occasional lack thereof last night I came up with the most nifty little phrase that sums up my feelings and the way I interact with most people. “Call me a bitch if you want. I love you but my sanity is more important to me than you current issues”. I have to try my hardest to try and not take on other people’s problems. It hurts that I have to detach myself from family and friends (mostly family) when they start talking about whatever is currently plaguing them. It’s not that I don’t care. I care too much and it is often my downfall.

I have a bad habit of absorbing the problems of people I love and letting them drive me to despair. I can’t do it anymore or I won’t last very long. I can offer the occasional shoulder or tidbit of wisdom if I’m feeling normal enough but some people can ruin that fast enough by injecting their drama into me. I must be careful.

Now for the fun part. The new drugs Lithium 250mg morning and night, Lexapro mg once at night and Seroquel 50mg once a night. The side-effects are a bit daunting but the good doctor says most are minimal. I do have a history of snagging a few of the stranger ones like hives,bruising and tremors from my previous meds but I just have to hold the faith and not give up when the cotton mouth and other annoying ones hit me.

I’ve got my handy little mood chart and all I need to do is pick up some toothpicks and blowpops and I’ll be ready for the battle of jaw clenching and cotton mouth.

Vive la resistance!!!!

BP-Bunny signing out

Like a virgin

Since you sex monkeys liked yesterdays post I figured I’d continue the theme with the first time I banged my Other Half.

The lead up is important. After my first 2 attempts at sex (which were fucking awful) I took a vow of chastity in the belief that after 2 years some good dick would have to come my way. I met my other half a year into my vow and somehow forgot to mention the whole ‘no sex for 2 years’ thing to him. Don’t ask me what the fuck I was thinking…the poor guy. After several failed attempts to get into my pants he seemed to be giving up. Fast forward to a weekend in the country with him and my sister (Yea I know I’m too close with my family but there was no way over-protective mother would have let me gone without supervision). I had finally grown a pair and decided it was time to lay the pussy on him before he died from a massive case of blueballs but my period decided to stick around. That didn’t stop him from releasing his wrath on me however. Between the intense making out and leaving handprints on my ass I thought I would surely die if I didn’t get laid right away. He actually smirked when I pouted about not being able to get laid right then and there (Yes the thought of period sex grossed me out to no end but I’m over it now…not sure if he is though :P)

It was the last day of our trip to the country and we had dropped my sister at a beach party. I levitated out of the car to go see if my period had ended and I praised Buddha, Allah, Mohammed, Jesus and Mother Earth that the bitch had gone (My period not my sister). So after a quick shower i wrapped myself up in a sarong and in what I thought was a sultry tone asked him if he had condoms. After he picked his jaw up off the floor from shock and it dawned on him that he was going to finally going to get laid he frowned FUCKSHITDAMNITTOHELL…no fucking condoms. We then proceeded to do the fastest condom run in history. 1 gas station, 1 corner store and 2 pharmacies later! we got back to the house and he fucked me like I was meant to be fucked. I didn’t know sex could actually be fun up to that point. I was bent and twisted in ways I never imagined even tho I was an avid porn watcher. Aaaaaah the good old days. Now we’ve fallen into the ‘old married couple’ habit of sex. I think I’ll have to do something about that now. Memories are always good inspiration I think.

I was tempted to lock myself in the bathroom after round 3. I didn’t know he had it in him, he’s so unassuming looking you’d never know he was a raging sex fiend with a monster wang. It’s always the tall skinny guys I tell ya. We broke the dresser, tainted the kitchen sink, broke the shower curtain rod in the room my sister was staying in (Okay that was all me…I didn’t want fall face first into the tub. Accidental death by cock would not look good in my obituary). In the middle of all this hot sweaty sex making up for 15 months and 3 months respectively my sister kept calling us to come pick her up from the party!! I don’t think she had a clue what we were up to we just kept telling her “we’re leaving now, we’re on our way, we’ll be right there”. Jumped into the shower to get the sweat off and he got that damn smirk on his face again. “One more time before we leave?” I could barely walk to the car when we finally left to go pick my sister up.

She was pissing mad when we finally got to her but all was forgiven when she saw me squirming uncomfortably in my seat with the biggest grin on my face. We got back to the apartment, packed up and headed back to town and by God that was the WORST 2 hour drive I have had to endure in my life. I had to resort to sitting on my pillow after 15 minutes.

It was pretty awesome to say the least and that’s when the pervy grrrrl in me broke free. More on that another time.

BP-Bunny

To my readers

You are all a bunch of perverts!!! I love you!!!

I’ve gotten my highest hit count ever since last night’s post. Looks like I might have to step up my game to keep you kinky monkeys interested.

That is all. Just wanted to say thanks

BP-Bunny

Blowjobs, being caught by mothers and other funny sexcapades

Everybody has embarrassing sex stories. I think I have more than the average person to be honest. I am just too horny and unlucky for my own good.

Most recent (Forgive I’m laughing and in pain as I write this…teeheehee). Over the weekend the Other Half and I got a bit frisky and forgetting that my back had been acting up all week, I decided to go down on him since he wasn’t getting any. You know the crazy mother I live with? Bless her soul she can’t bear to think about us bumping uglies under the same roof as her. ( Yea I know I need to move out, I’m way to old for the whole horny teenager on the couch act but I’ll be damned if it isn’t fun as hell)

Back to the topic at hand. Going down on your boyfriend in an awkward position (head down, ass up, back arched, leaning to one side all twisty bendy…it’s a couch what are you expecting people?) when you have lower back trouble is just retarded but I gotta put a smile on his face one way or another. So half an hour and one exceedingly please Other Half later I went to bed. Fast forward to when I wake up and can barely move my legs. Bunny you are a daftoid and have given yourself a sex sprain without the sex…pitiful! He got a happy ending so what’s the problem really? I’ll be right as rain in another day or so…I came out fine compared to other embarrassing times.

I was 12 years old and had just realized what an amazing thing a clitoris is. The heavens opened up, angels sang, I was struck by lightening and all that amazing orgasm stuff. It was short lived however… in the middle of my little wank-fest DUN DUN DUN my mother walked in on me and called down hellfire on me. Sacre bleu and merde! I have been embarrassed many times in my life but that one incident takes the mortification prize. She called me a filthy sinner, told me I was going to hell and that she was sending me to an all girls catholic school. Poor mommy, she’s catholic. She also forgot that the all girls catholic school didn’t want me after they had to deal with my sister for 7 years. Yay me!

Then there was that time his mom caught us about to have hot sweaty monkey sex. I couldn’t bang him for a week after that I was so wigged out. I need my own place with many many deadbolt locks.

Having sex outdoors is a naughty little habit I’ve developed. I blame in on my nymphomaniac Other Half. I do love him so and he brings out the sex kitten in me. You only learn the true capacity of your lungs when your friends are in the shallow end of the pol and you and your man are underwater in the deep end banging away like rabbits. I amaze myself to no end on a regular basis. I’m pretty sure I’m going to burn in hell for all my naughty ways….if I believed in hell I would be worried. Alas I shall continue to get my rocks off in all manner of places. I doubt I’ll top some of my friends tho. I have standards. I will not have sex in the bathroom of a church during a funeral, I will not have sex in a port-a-potty or in a dog kennel. I do want to join the mile high club tho

That’s all for now folks

BP-Bunny

Blogging is hard

As you can see I took a break this week. I honestly couldn’t find anything to write about that wasn’t boring as shit. I’m trying to stay away from the ranting but my site meter says that you all like that so I guess I’ll stick with what works.

First gripe.

Periods!!! They fucking suck. They suck really really hard. I swear if men had to go through the shit I’m experiencing right now they would find a cure. I need to get my hands on Sesonale or Seasonique. 4 period a years sounds fucking awesome. I would go on Depo Provera but I’m afraid my ovaries would calcify or something equally scary. I also don’t want to gain 80 pounds and grow a beard. Sometimes I think pregnant women are the luckiest broads on earth…no period for 9 months and you get a baby at the end. Doing this over and over would probably just make people very very broke and stressed and having a period would be the least of their problems. I’m still waiting on a scientist to figure out how to store my uterus until I need it. I think it would be amazing. Have the damn thing taken out when you reach puberty and then you have to do a competency test when you’re ready to procreate. This would solve the whole “Stupid people breeding and making more stupid people” dilemma the world is suffering from. Imagine if science had stopped Hitler, Pol Pot, Bin Laden and G. W’s folks from breeding!!!! What a great world we could be living in if reproduction was controlled.

Second Gripe

A continuation on the above topic. I really cannot fathom why governments don’t step in to stop unfit people from having children. When on earth should you be allowed to have children if you don’t have money to support them. You shouldn’t be allowed to have kids if the government is going to be the one supporting them. Call me classist or economically prejudice if you wish but it makes perfect sense in my head. People with bad genes shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce unless it’s through in-vitro and the embryo has been cleared for genetic defects. That’s where I stand and I’m staying there.

Third Gripe

Why do people feel the need to criticize you about things that don’t affect them? I have heard “You’re handbag is too big” more that 15 times this week. Who the fuck cares? I have things I need to carry around with me on a daily basis. Are you offering to be my personal bitch and carry it for me? It’s no t a damn suitcase or traveling trunk and it’s fucking cute!!! To all you big handbag haters I say FUCK YOU…I don’t need to hear it.

Why do people feel the need to comment on other people’s music? So what if I like listening to Lady Sovereign? I don’t complain about being forced to listen to your Jesus music day from 9-5 Monday to Friday do I? I actually consider it offensive when I am forced to listen to people playing religious music in their offices. I am considerate. My music is often lewd and or scary sounding so I make sure it’s low enough where I can still hear it but my office neighbors cannot. Ms. Jesus Music lady however believes that we are all sinners or something and must therefore be subjected the never ending warbling of some person going on about how much they love Jesus. I think religion is a personal and private matter and I should not be subjected to it. I think I nearly made her shit herself when she came to complain about the Flyleaf song I was listening to and I told her they were a group of Christians. “I didn’t know you were saved”…what the fuck kind of statement is that?!?! Because I’m listening to a rock band who happen to be religiously inclined I must therefore be a part of your Jesus crew? It makes no sense to me. I’m not even going to get into the times I’ve nearly smacked her for calling me a sinner, telling me I’m going to burn in hell and then saying she is going to pray for me because I ‘Need Jesus’. Actually fuck it I am gonna get into it.

Fourth Gripe

People shoving their religion down other people’s throats. I have a big problem with overly enthusiastic Christians/Rastafarians. I don’t care what religion you choose to practice to be honest. I may not understand but I’m tolerant for the most part. I will start getting mean and ignorant on your ass when you force me to listen to your religious music, listen to you pray, listen to you criticize what you think I believe in…fuck it I’ll get ignorant if you push your religion in my face. If it goes past “I’m late for church/bible study/whatever” I don’t want to hear about it. I am particularly offended when people seem to think it’s okay and perfectly acceptable to tell me I’m a heathen/sinner/child of satan/babylonian and are then shocked when I tell them to go fuck themselves. How is it okay to say these things to another human being?

I just find the hypocrisy in organized religion too much to bear. ‘Love your neighbor as your brother’…so why the fuck are you beating him because he/she is gay/having pre-marital sex/having kids out of wedlock/doing drugs? Anyone care to explain where the love was during the Crusades? Rail on the Muslims all you want but as far as I’m concerned the Crusades were Christianity’s version of Jihad and the Holocaust all rolled into one. I don’t need people telling me that I need to find Jesus (I didn’t know he was lost) , that I need to be saved (saved from what exactly?) or that I am a heathen because I eat pork (Um… hello jerk pork is the awesomeness!!!). I know where I stand in the universe and I know I’m not an inherently evil/wicked person. I’m just abrasive is all. So keep your religion to yourself and I won’t smack you upside the head with a religious text according to your faith mkay?

I think that about covers my gripes for the day. I’ve got cramps and I’m bloated so I think I’m gonna sneak in a nap until I can leave work.

Peace out

BP-Bunny

Insomnia

I’ve been having terrible sleep for the past 2 months. I’ll be tired and not able to sleep and when I finally do nod off around 2am-3am I have to wake up at 7:30am to get ready and head to work. I, like most people, do not do well with little to no sleep. I am one of the crankiest people when I don’t get enough sleep. To make matters worse even when I do manage to wrangle 7-8 hours of sleep I’m still not rested. People have said “well maybe you’re sleeping too much”. Hmm lemmi think getting 3-4 hours sleep a night average for 2 months and then getting a few extra hours on the weekend is too much sleep huh? Fuck that!

I am run down, I’ve been fighting off a cold/sinus infection for weeks, my bodily systems are all wonky and my brain will not turn itself off. Then last night it hit me “Bunny you’ve got insomnia!”. For the first time in 3 years. Thanks alot, when I was a teenager I could pull the all nighters and function with maybe an hour’s worth of sleep tops. I’m too old for that shit now, I can manage it maybe 1-2 nights a month and that’s if I wanna go out and party or stay up till sunlight playing WoW. Other than that not getting enough rest has brought on a light case of depression. The fact that I know I’m depressed makes all the difference. Yes, I’m giving people some serious attitude but it’s better than breaking down and bawling “Oh poor me I’m unloved, the world is shit” and blah blah blah. Depression I know you’re there and I’m gonna kick your ass.

I’ve started leaving my windows open so I can wake up naturally. Waking up to the sun rising on me is much better than an alarm clock. Staying hydrated and kicking my Redbull habit in the ass are also important. Falling asleep and waking up have gotten progressively more difficult over the past 2 months and I wake up no less that 3 times each night. I don’t know what to do. I can’t take sleeping pills for the simple fact that they work too well. One Excedrin PM and I’m out for 13 hours or some other ridiculous length of time.

I think I’m just gonna stick to listening to Flyleaf and Enya to fall asleep and hope this insomnia clears up on its own. If it doesn’t then G-d help the world it ain’t gonna be pretty.

Alive but Not Living

Nowadays my former friends call me boring, lame, killjoy, loser and all other manner of “fun-vacuum” names. I can’t blame them but there is a part of me couldn’t give two shits. The days of jumping into someone’s car and heading out of town on a school night are done and gone. I will no longer drink to the point where I don’t know where the hell I am when I wake up. I will not get into cars with strangers…granted that’s how I met my other half but that’s not a story for you guys.

What my former friends fail to grasp is that those were my days of pure mania. I acted without a thought for my safety or the repercussions of my actions. I had zero cares in the world, my folks gave me money, my teachers had more or less given up on me when I showed how much I really didn’t care about school and I was more or less left to my own devices by my folks because they really didn’t know what to do with me. I was an awful teenager, I’m still amazed I made it past 18.

Through choice and circumstance I now have a handful of people who I can call my true friends. The people who will drop whatever they’re doing at 4 in the morning to come rescue me from a storm drain or whatever other predicament I’ve gotten myself in. I used to be very open about my life without realizing that people were using it against me. I never deserved the bad reputation I had. Contrary to popular belief, I was actually the innocent one in the group. Sure I smoked pot and drank but even in my madness I never stole from my folks, slept around or had countless abortions. To each his own but when people started laying their dirty deeds on me to save their own asses, simply because I was a bit wild and their parents a bit too strict, I started cutting people off left right and center.

People see me rarely these days. Seeing me out and about is a bit like spotting an albino deer, yea you know they exist and you’ve seen pictures but it’s not something you see everyday. I just got very tired of all the posing and back biting and drama and general drunkenness. I love going out for a nice meal once in a while maybe even hit up a party or club after and do some dancing but it’s not something I can do every weekend much less everyday. I have more important things to spend my time and money on, like maintaining my sanity and paying my bills.

I just go through the motions and try to get through each day without breaking down into tears or strangling someone. Things will turn around soon though. I might pick back up my photography and pilates or find a completely new hobby. When it comes to friends though I think I’ll just stick with the ones I have for now.

I am strong, I have faith and I know things will get better.

Non-blog blog 2

I didn’t know what to write about today so I decided not to force it.

My soul is weary, I need real rest. A vacation for away with all the fresh fruit I can eat. White sand beaches as far as the eye can see. Sex on tap and egyptian cotton sheets. No cellphone,no laptop for maybe a month. I won’t tell anyone where I’m going but I’ll let them know I’m safe.I won’t think about work or anything stressful, I will be at peace. Time to start looking for a deal on an all-inclusive hotel I think. Whether or not my other half comes is up to him.

I’ll try to get you something more substantial next time. I need to get my mind right

BP-Bunny

Refreshing Idea

This beats regular iced tea with a metal baseball bat.

8 mint tea bags

8 cups water

Brown sugar to taste

Boil the water and let the tea bags steep for half an hour.

Halfway into steeping the tea add sugar to taste.

Continue steeping for 15 minutes and then remove tea bags.

Let cool to room temp and then stick it in the fridge or pour over ice and drink right away.

Way more refreshing than regular iced tea and also good for upset stomachs.