Nowadays my former friends call me boring, lame, killjoy, loser and all other manner of “fun-vacuum” names. I can’t blame them but there is a part of me couldn’t give two shits. The days of jumping into someone’s car and heading out of town on a school night are done and gone. I will no longer drink to the point where I don’t know where the hell I am when I wake up. I will not get into cars with strangers…granted that’s how I met my other half but that’s not a story for you guys.
What my former friends fail to grasp is that those were my days of pure mania. I acted without a thought for my safety or the repercussions of my actions. I had zero cares in the world, my folks gave me money, my teachers had more or less given up on me when I showed how much I really didn’t care about school and I was more or less left to my own devices by my folks because they really didn’t know what to do with me. I was an awful teenager, I’m still amazed I made it past 18.
Through choice and circumstance I now have a handful of people who I can call my true friends. The people who will drop whatever they’re doing at 4 in the morning to come rescue me from a storm drain or whatever other predicament I’ve gotten myself in. I used to be very open about my life without realizing that people were using it against me. I never deserved the bad reputation I had. Contrary to popular belief, I was actually the innocent one in the group. Sure I smoked pot and drank but even in my madness I never stole from my folks, slept around or had countless abortions. To each his own but when people started laying their dirty deeds on me to save their own asses, simply because I was a bit wild and their parents a bit too strict, I started cutting people off left right and center.
People see me rarely these days. Seeing me out and about is a bit like spotting an albino deer, yea you know they exist and you’ve seen pictures but it’s not something you see everyday. I just got very tired of all the posing and back biting and drama and general drunkenness. I love going out for a nice meal once in a while maybe even hit up a party or club after and do some dancing but it’s not something I can do every weekend much less everyday. I have more important things to spend my time and money on, like maintaining my sanity and paying my bills.
I just go through the motions and try to get through each day without breaking down into tears or strangling someone. Things will turn around soon though. I might pick back up my photography and pilates or find a completely new hobby. When it comes to friends though I think I’ll just stick with the ones I have for now.
I am strong, I have faith and I know things will get better.
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